So, this is the first time I have ever written a blog. I doubt it will be hugely original or insightful, but it might go some way towards understanding what is happening in my head – more helpful for me than for anyone reading this!
Essentially, I am stressed out with life. I feel as if coping with the simplest, day-to-day minutae of existence is far too much for me to handle. The slightest thing can cause me to break down in tears, or fly off the handle. I live in fear: fear of failure; fear of being wrong; fear of trying anything new; fear of fear.
I hate it. I hate it so much I could spend the rest of my life screaming impotently at the cruel and dark world I find myself in. I know that this is the depression talking. I know the world isn’t that bad a place really, but that doesn’t stop the feelings of anger, of misery, of guilt…
So why write a blog? Just to moan?
Well, no. I want to write. I want to ‘express myself creatively’. I always have. It is only now that the need to write has outweighed my fear of being judged. I still care what people think of me, of my writing, but I no longer care enough to prevent me from trying.
So, expect a series of unconnected, rambling posts on a variety of subjects and a desperate, needy begging for feedback!