The way my mind works…

I’ve just been given a new prescription. Setraline Hydrochloride, often known by its trade name Zoloft. Having previously been prescribed a short (2 1/2 month) course of Fluoxetine (Prozac), and not getting a great deal of benefit from it, I am uncertain how I feel about a new drug. I have always been resistant to the idea of taking antidepressants, believing that I should be able to control my emotions without the aid of pharmaceuticals, that those who couldn’t were clearly deficient in some way, that I would become addicted to them.

Sweets for my sweet...

First of all, I would like to apologise to everyone who has ever taken antidepressants for my prejudicial attitude. I may never have met you but I have judged you, and for that I apologise unreservedly (however self-serving that apology may seem).

Right. Now that is out of the way, I would like to try and explain why I have made the decision to take the chemical option. It really is quite simple: Lauren, my fiancee. When I was single, I didn’t really accept that my depression was that much of an issue. Sure, I got ‘down’ occasionally, but so what? Blame it on the stress of work, or that bastard taxi drver that cut you up on the way home, or too much/not enough alcohol/nicotine/[insert drug of choice here].

But that has all changed now that I am with Lauren.She does not deserve to live with the kind of arsehole I can be when the depression descends. My moods can swing violently and I can become very angry and bitter. I would like to make it absolutely clear that I have never threatened her or physically harmed her in any way and I never would – but psychological damage is just as bad, and I am certainly guilty of that. This guilt builds up and makes me more depressed.

This vicious circle has to be broken and I am willing to do anything to make sure it is.

I am embarking on counselling in the next few weeks to learn how to live with and minimise these episodes. I want Lauren to be happy, and she won’t be if I am not.

I hope I can get there.

I have to.


5 responses to “The way my mind works…

  1. Bloody good for you! Well done for taking control of the problem, if my ex had ever taken steps to sort out his mental issues things might have turned out differently between us.

    Hope it starts helping soon.

  2. Awesome. Not the depression of course, that would be a horrible thing to say ‘awesome’ about…
    It’s been a couple of weeks now I know but I really hope they’re making a difference to you and the people you care about.
    And you should remember, it takes more strength to ask for help and feel like you’re taking the easy road, than it does to ignore a problem because you don’t feel like you’re giving in and nothing ever changes. It’s arse-about-face I know, but it’s true!
    Best of luck!

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