O Brave New World…

So, this is the first time I have ever written a blog. I doubt it will be hugely original or insightful, but it might go some way towards understanding what is happening in my head – more helpful for me than for anyone reading this!

Essentially, I am stressed out with life. I feel as if coping with the simplest, day-to-day minutae of existence is far too much for me to handle. The slightest thing can cause me to break down in tears, or fly off the handle. I live in fear: fear of failure; fear of being wrong; fear of trying anything new; fear of fear.

I hate it. I hate it so much I could spend the rest of my life screaming impotently at the cruel and dark world I find myself in. I know that this is the depression talking. I know the world isn’t that bad a place really, but that doesn’t stop the feelings of anger, of misery, of guilt…

So why write a blog? Just to moan?

Well, no. I want to write. I want to ‘express myself creatively’. I always have. It is only now that the need to write has outweighed my fear of being judged. I still care what people think of me, of my writing, but I no longer care enough to prevent me from trying.

So, expect a series of unconnected, rambling posts on a variety of subjects and a desperate, needy begging for feedback!


2 responses to “O Brave New World…

  1. I admire your candour and equally appreciate the need to express yourself in your chosen medium. When I was feeling really rather bleak I tried to do something creative, but it didn’t work. My drawings were pretty dire, anger and sadness brings out the writer in me too, the artist only comes out when the sun is shining.

    Not much of a blogger, I’m like you I suspect, fearful of being judged and concerned with not having anything worth saying. Tried it, for about three posts, then abandoned it for fear of being hideously boring and introspective. However, there’s a lot of people on-line with a lot less to say who seem to have no trouble spouting worthless gibberish at length to an audience comprised of imaginary constructs – and morons. The fact you have a firm grasp of the English language, real live friends and a fierce intellect puts you in the forefront of blogs worth writing. Much kudos to you for having the balls to do it.

  2. I think this blog is a great idea and i for one am very much looking forward to hearing about what’s going on inside your head!

    Seeing as I live so far away im really excited about being able to get, even little snippets of, the conversation I love having with you!

    You’re brilliant and I have all the time in the world to feedback that to you any time you need!

    Big hugs!
    E xxx

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